Category Archives: Homeownership

Editing/writing life, Homeownership

Okay, I’ve learned a lesson.

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Never follow any rule off a cliff.

Put another way:  for people to be interested in the everyday mundane about one’s life, even if infused with some comedy, one has to be more famous than I am.

My readership isn’t enormous, but it is steady and doughty, and it’s way down this week.  Clearly the concrete saga, which I thought might have some interest, isn’t all that interesting.  I say that without the slightest sour grapes; rather, I am thinking, “Well, I’m glad I did the experiment.  Didn’t work.  Learn and move on.”

So, there will not be a continuance of the concrete saga, or those like it, unless they produce something I think someone besides me would find interesting.  I will return to eclecticism and variety, which my dearly appreciated and valued readers (that would be you) have shown that you prefer.  And honestly, I’d prefer to write eclectically anyway, so this is a happy learning experience.

Speaking of which, if there is a type of blogging you prefer/enjoy, by all means leave a comment telling me what you would rather see.  I am of the philosophy that says:  be kind to the reader.  I will be glad to be influenced to write what you do want to read.

Homeownership

Concrete getting interesting

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This afternoon I took a look outside.  I saw a section of  my fence completely shattered, a bunch of gnarly tree roots torn up (some large enough to cut up for firewood), and a Bobcat sitting in the dusty, rocky driveway with a rear wheel removed.

It is illogical to conclude that the Bobcat was jacked and stripped by Bobcat thieves.  It is more logical to suppose that the contractor got a flat tire.  That must have annoyed him quite a bit.  So must the tree roots have.  Myself, I’m not too enthused about having a section of the fence blown away, but I’ll find out what happened before I have a reaction.  I’m guessing there was a root running under the old concrete (now removed completely), he got hung up on it with the bucket, and it somehow ripped out that fence section.  He is probably wondering how he’s going to explain it to me.  I am betting this is one of those cases where one gets more with flexibility and patience than with anger and venom.

Tomorrow, at least in theory, he is building forms, and I’ll have to mark where I want the fence brackets, so I’m sure I’ll get an explanation.  It should be very interesting.

Homeownership

Construction at 6:30 AM is noisy

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…but that is one of those things we simply bear without too much grousing, as it cannot be changed.  I looked out when I awoke, and a third of my driveway was gone.  I must remember to wear earplugs to bed tomorrow, as I ought to have tonight.  I guess I have had such lousy contractor experiences that, deep down, when they said they’d come, I didn’t believe them.

Yesterday I had an inspiration and need to talk to the contractor.  Why not pour a low speed bump where I park my truck? The logic is that I would use it as a wheel block, really, one additional safeguard against failing to engage the parking brake and forgetting to leave it in first gear.

Homeownership

Here comes the concrete

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Concrete guy was here today to drop off his Bobcat, which I agreed he could park in the driveway early.  It would be pretty illogical to cause petty inconveniences for the guy.  Showed him the brackets he needs to seat in the concrete so that when someday I bestir myself to replace the fence, I have good fencepost anchors.  Feeling hopeful, but apprehensive.  Evidently they are starting work at 6:30 AM Monday, so that should be a pleasing wake-up call.

Got Deb here for a day and a half, so we are going to Outback for dinner, then the fair.  Harmonic convergence:  saves us from spending a lot on fair food, which often isn’t that great and is usually difficult to eat with flimsy utensils in crowded dining areas, and means we get out and walk after we eat.  We will engage in one of our timeless rituals:  I will make a manful attempt to win my wife a cheesy stuffed animal, usually by throwing darts.  I’ll fail.  Deb will step up and nail it immediately, winning a larger animal.

I always wonder about the carnies.  It’s a hard life, I think, with long hours and no dental care (to go by the looks of most of them).  They always look like they lived in Wyoming and aged prematurely due to the harsh conditions.  On one hand, it would be an interesting summer adventure for a young person–especially a young male with little to zero sexual experience.  On the other, you could end up doing meth and/or getting hepatitis.  What strikes me is to look into those eyes and wander what sort of story lies behind them.

Homeownership

The driveway begins…

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…with a concrete sawyer.  The garage is built onto a concrete pad, so in order to pour a new one without causing a huge mess, someone had to make a clean cut along the garage door, the rockeries and the steps.  The process started today.  I wasn’t here, but god that must have been noisy.

I have cautious optimism about the contractor.  That’s about as good as I get until I see proof of honest, prompt, quality work.  My enthusiasm about engaging contractors corresponds to most women’s enthusiasm about mammograms and pap smears:  it makes you feel vulnerable, it generally hurts, and there could be very adverse results–and whatever they are, you will have to pay.  But if this is not done, water will keep getting into my garage and damaging my siding.  Not good.

Part of the headache is the need to find alternate parking for my truck and Deb’s car for a week.  Happily, we have wonderful neighbors.  Mrs. A has graciously permitted us to park over at her place except for Sunday, when her place is full of family.  Long life and health to Mrs. A.

Why am I writing about this mundane subject? Because I was told to, and because I didn’t do any other writing today (errands), and because writers must write.

Homeownership, Married life

I am Become Hedgehog, Slayer of Yellowjackets

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No, this isn’t about Ron Jeremy.  Out trimming the hedge and other overgrown stuff in preparation for the pouring of a new driveway, and since I could definitely stand to lose weight, the title seemed to fit.  For some reason I like doing work outside when it’s in the nineties and up–I feel like I get more out of it from an exercise standpoint.  Of course, there is probably a study posted somewhere with the headline:  “Working in high heat or cold actually burns less calories” because of the ‘everything that seems to make good sense can be proven wrong by some study’ principle.  Don’t care, I’m doing it anyway.

It doesn’t come without some excitement.  It seems that yellowjackets build their paper nests in my hedge; I’ve already uncovered two tangerine-sized nests, and I think there’s another.  The yellowjackets naturally did not appreciate the construction work going on near their homes.  Were it up to me alone, I would not molest them, but it isn’t just my decision.  My wife is apiphobic, meaning she has a morbid fear of bees, and if I left the nests alone she would phone a pest control service and have them soak the entire property in toxins.  Thus, selective hosing of the nests with bee killer is the lesser of the two evils.

Protip, by the way:  if you ever get stung, get baking soda and make a paste with it using water, and rub that on the sting.  I was at my cousin Roger’s in Wichita some years back and got stung.  Well, Rog was the chief chemist for a refinery, so when he says to do something with chemistry, I pay attention.  “Ah reckon their poison’s based on formic acid,” he said, “so this ought to take care of it.”  I don’t know if all bee sting venom is acid-based, but if it is, a base (such as baking soda) should neutralize it.  It certainly did for my own sting.

When the people around you ask you where you figured this out, blow their minds by telling them you got it from an editor.

Homeownership

Dismounted

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When you live in an area where a car is more or less essential for any liberty, and you have to take your truck in for three days, and your wife is out of town and your nephew is busy being 18, you are like dismounted cavalry.  Where the hell’s my horse?

My thinking is to embrace it.  I have a perfectly functional bicycle and I’m not disabled.  I should be able to walk or ride where I need to be.

And if I can’t, nephew will take time out from being 18.  One advantage to not asking a whole lot of the nephew is that when one does ask him for something, one is generally in the moral right to hope for more or less cheerful compliance.

Homeownership, Married life, Technology

TV shopping

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Our TV just lays there twitching like a sarin casualty.   We need a new one.  Thank you, Samsung, for a product that only lasted six years of relatively light usage.  Of course, I wouldn’t do anything so cold as to post that fact on the Internet or anything.

We kind of have a choice between going to Worst Buy (always feel sort of sullied afterward, like having taken a dip in the Great Salt Lake, or picked up after the dog in the yard) or the local Old School Appliance/Electronics Store.  Normally that would be my top preference, but we live in the Tri-Cities, and experience has taught me that many old time local businesses really don’t earn their keeps here.  Like most of local government, they are more habits than going concerns.  This is one of the downsides of not living in a Seattle or Portland:  because consumers have fewer options, businesses can get by with greater mediocrity.  I keep telling myself that it’s better than living in constant worry of petty property crime, which is comparatively rare here.

Not sure what brand we’ll get, other than that if AT&T makes one, that’s out, and Samsung’s outside consideration.

Homeownership

Overgrown

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There are dandelions.

Personally, I like them, though they also make great practice targets for the sjambok on daily walks.  However, between them and the crabgrass, this place is the Amazon basin right about now.  Must slay them all.  Have a huge brush pile to feed to the chipper, which to me sounds like an excellent job with which to get help from the nephew.  Young nephews of athletic bent should, on principle, be assigned strenuous and annoying tasks.  I always was.  He will get the joy of prepping this stuff for the chipper, a hot, noisy, sawdusty, cantankerous widowmaker with the basic guts of a planer, but far more persnickety.  Me? I have to feed it.  I’m the only one who won’t jam it every time.

So soon I’ll be walking around with a backpack spray tank, a mask (can’t hurt), and the motivation to slay any vegetation that displeases me. Think of it as editing my lawn. For the mulberry weed trees, I have a special plan:  1/2″ drilled holes with Roundup concentrate poured in.  Why do I not use KNO3? Tell you what.  You go to your local Cenex or Purina ag supply house and tell them you want a bag of potassium nitrate, though you can’t prove that you are in agriculture.  Let me know how that works out for you, and who comes to your door.

I guess we better hope the nation’s enemies never get the idea to just start farming.

Homeownership

Extended warranties

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You do know, right, that these are almost always pure profit for the vendor.  This is why sales staff are encouraged to push them at every opportunity, and may even be canned for not selling enough.

There is a devastating yet polite rejoinder for pressure to buy an extended warranty:  “If you think an extended warranty is in my best interests, then you must think this product is going to fail shortly out of warranty.  Therefore, are you saying that this is a very unreliable product prone to failure?”

The usual response is hilarious.  “Well, sir, I don’t mean that, just that, in case something does happen, you’d be covered.”  Have no mercy:  “Right, but this is supposed to be reliable.  Either it is a good product or it isn’t.  A good product doesn’t need me to buy extra warranty because odds of failure are remote.  A lousy product isn’t worth buying to begin with.  Which is it?”

Now, if they answer you honestly, have mercy:  “Honestly, sir, they nearly never break.  But my job requires me to offer this to you, and I can see you aren’t interested, so I’ve done all that is needed.  Shall we ring you up?”  If they have the candor to do that, treat them well.  It takes large nads to come out and say that.  If you’re really impressed, buy extended warranty just to help the guy or gal along.  You never know when that karma might revisit you.

Can you imagine me trying to sell extended warranties on editing services? I’d have to call it something different, something more bullshitty, such as “customer care plan.” They’d laugh at me even then. “Let me get this straight. You plan to ask for extra money to fix your own omissions. You do this with a straight face. Gonna pay to reprint all the books? No? Then what good is this?” Same with, say, a refrigerator. Will they pay for all the food that went bad? No.

There is only one situation in which I buy them: electronics for my wife. My beautiful bride emits a field which causes electronics to malfunction. I don’t know how or why, but all her stuff flakes out. Extended warranties solve the problem, not by getting a replacement, but by invoking Murphy’s Law. By extension, ML indicates that if you do not buy an extended warranty, you will be likelier to need it (thus amplifying my wife’s anti-electronics field). However, it also indicates that if you do buy it, you will be wasting your money. This will also mean an electronic device that defeats the anti-electronics field surrounding her. Since what we want is no malfunctions, in that case it’s worth it.