Category Archives: Adventures

Slain

No, I’m fine.  Today we are experiencing some of the bizarrest weather I can recall.  It’s 20° F (about -7° C, for the rest of the world), and we have freezing rain, feels a lot like ‘slain’ as in sleet/rain.  This is not supposed to be possible.  This should be snow, at that temperature, not slain.  It’s landing atop the 8″ of snow we have, creating an icy crust.  The icy crust does bring some amusement–for example, when one’s miniature schnauzer attempts to navigate it.  And he must, because I have to take the little bendejo outside for his restroom visits.

Naturally, when this happens, your correspondent is in his element.  I like ice and snow and tend to be highly resistant to both, so it’s a good time to look out for neighbors–especially Mrs. A, who is elderly, lives alone and is a wise and kind lady.  This is why we stock up on icemelt in early spring when everyone’s trying to get rid of it.  We live at the top of a very steep cul-de-sac, 17% slope, and no one can get up it without studs or chains.  Amazingly, the pizza people still delivered, trudging up from the bottom.

If someone delivers you pizza in this, and you give them a lousy tip (or none), and you have a religion, you need to apostatize, because you lack a soul.

The abrupt truncation

I apologize for the lack of further galleries.  Here’s what happened.  I tried to post a third, but WordPress barfed it.  Unfortunately, I learned that if that occurs, the only ways to get it are 1) start playing with a bunch of HTML code (which I simply am not going to do), or 2) re-upload the whole batch of pics.  Which takes about an hour including ordering, captioning and so on.  WordPress’s blithe expectation is that one shouldn’t mind doing either, as a tech support answer told me after about three days.  It is not my doing that the software barfs, and if there is one area in which I am impatient, it is in doing a lot of drudgery twice for no good reason other than ‘our software is faulty, sorry’.  It is very difficult to force myself to do an exacting task all over again, with no guarantee it won’t all throw up a second time.  How many times might it take?

What will probably happen, therefore, is that I will either load smaller galleries here (so that when WordPress barfs and I am handed a lame solution, I will lose less work), or I will just load the rest of the photos to Faceplant and caption them there.  If you have a preference please comment.  Mainly, I wanted the kind and faithful readership here to enjoy them first, in something of an intimate setting not dependent upon being my FB friend, and for the pics of the animals at least, we got there.

Alaskan images #2

We continued through the Alaska zoo, and it got special.  Here is the blog post that went with these.

:

Alaskan images #1

I promised.  This first post is a bit of  test post.  I’ll eventually load them all to Facebook, but I prefer to share first with you all.

All that said about Alaska…

…there are a few other key caveats to offer you here, dear readers who have come north with me, and whose readership and interest and wishes for our health warm the soul.

Alaskans joke (some are dead serious) that the great benefit of Anchorage is its proximity to Alaska.  In other words, compared to much of the state, this is coddled luxury.

These conditions are not particularly snowy or harsh for an Anchorage December.  As I type, it is 12 F (about -10 C) outside.  It can be better but it can be far worse.  No one here is walking around like a Michelin (wo)man.  No one is refraining from living life.

Winters in Glenallen are far harsher, as are those in Fairbanks–where they are also darker.  We have some five hours of dim daylight now.  Fairbanks has less.  Barrow has two months with no sunrise.

Eight days of this was a vacation.  Six months of it, as normal life, is no vacation.  They get real sick of it by February.  In short, we have had a great time, but all it proves about me is I’m okay with a week of sustained cold and snow.  Anyone who knows me already knew that.  I am not at all sure I could handle a full calendar year here.  It’s not easy in this Alaska–it’s tougher in the rest of it.

I didn’t bring a USB cable (stupidity), but when we get back, I’ll have some images for you.  While they’ll be on Faceplant at some point, I want to caption and share them with you all specifically.  I’m looking forward.

“There are some popsicles out on the grill.”

Yet another on the List Of Statements Made Mainly In Alaska.  I just made it, and I was not wisecracking.  I brought my wife home the fruit popsicles she enjoys, but there was no room in our hosts’ freezer, so I stuck both boxes in the snow piled atop the grill on the back porch.  They’re still out there.

In a normal place, the response might have been:  “Honey, have you been drinking?”

In Alaska:  “Great, dear, will you please bring me one?”

That place used to be a strip joint

That’s the most common comment from Deb as we drive through the snowy streets of Anchorage.  It makes me wonder if 1970s Anchorage had any establishments that were not strip joints.  Maybe some were just bars, which is why they’re out of business–they failed to offer the necessary entertainment.

To go out and about:  wade through the snow to your car, start it.  Don’t lock the keys in.  Go back inside.  Come back in fifteen minutes, and brush 6″ of snow (that’s about 10 cm for our metric friends) off your car.  Brush it all off, don’t just leave the roof covered in it.  Get the lights, breaking off the ice.  Lift up the wipers and smack them down hard enough to break the ice off.  Back out of your parking with a burst of speed, but do not do this when a road grader is plowing the street.  Get ready for streets narrowed by snow berms on each side.  The sidewalks are buried in the berms, so do not hit the young lady walking down the side of the road in her toque and bunny boots.

It is overcast, the daylight is dim to begin with, and powdery snow swirls through the wheel ruts on the main drag.  Visibility ranges from a couple of miles to a few hundred yards.  Most road activity happens with the slowed pace necessary when it’s possible to skid nearly anywhere.  Your wife (your chauffeuse) swears at anyone who blasts past her, appears about to pull out in front of her, straddles lanes, or commits some other breach of good driving etiquette in her estimation.  Corners involve a certain caution, plowing through churned snow.  Roundabouts, which I’m not sure really suit Alaskan conditions, need special care, especially those double lane roundabouts as macho road warriors skid around them and think it’s great fun.  In essence, there is a mudbogging feel about Anchorage winter driving from start to stop–just replace the mud with snow.

Deb felt strong enough today to get out and about, which was just as well because I broke Herb’s snow shovel early in the visit, and I was overdue to replace it despite his protestations that we didn’t need to.  That was a good excuse to go back to Title Wave Books, one of the great things about Anchorage.  Do you like travel books? Our Barnes & Noble in Kennewick has one section of ‘travel essays’.  Title Wave has six times that.  It has even more books about bears.  If there is anything about bears, from lies told to cheechakos (‘tenderfeet’…’Outsiders’…’people from the lower 48’) to authentic treatises on the habits of the grizzly, that Title Wave’s bear book section cannot answer, that’s because everyone who learned it got mauled to death before being able to put it into print.

I begin to think that Alaskan isn’t a state residency, but a citizenship.

Hacking your way to the store

Unfortunately, everyone but Herb came down sick last night.  Though, since Herb has battled two different kinds of cancer and is still trying to get off the feeding tube, I frankly would rather it were me than him that was sick any day.  I know it’s not dysentery, but the symptoms are about the same.  Last night was a bad night for Lynda, Deb and me.  I’m better today but still shaky, shivery and such; the women are both miserable and do not go too far from a bathroom.

It was necessary for us to run to the store to get them stuff like crackers and ginger ale, especially in Deb’s case as she must not let her sugar fall too low.  That meant we had to battle our way out into the night, neither of us at 100% but we’re what they’ve got.  Unfortunately the snow had narrowed the driveway, and Lynda’s car wouldn’t start.  We had to jump it with Herb’s truck, which due to the narrowed driveway couldn’t quite back out without scraping her car.  It took about an hour of hacking away at ice, jumpstarting, shoveling, and so on, but we did it.

(Ever wonder how someone could build anything out of snow blocks? When it accumulates, the stuff at the bottom is more like soft ice.  Just cut it up and start building.)

The point:  this is how they live up here.  This is normal life.  Cars don’t start, snow accumulates and narrows pathways, and people battle through.  This is Alaska.

And Fairbanks makes this look like cosseted, pampered living.

Into the interior: where Bullwinkle watch is no joke

Today we went to our friends’ daughter’s home in Wasilla.  (Yes, that Wasilla.  No, we did not see Levi, Bristol or Sarah.)  You know the DEER XING signs in many states, depicting a leaping stag on his way to a party? Alaska has the same thing, but silhouetting a creature six feet high at the withers with antlers the size of large dogs.  Once again, that was my job:  keep an eye out.

The interior of Alaska (this part, anyhow, and at this time) in winter looks forested, frosty, snowy, hazy and chilly.  You know how some places don’t look as cold as they really are? Alaska looks even colder than it is, which is fairly cold.  I think this is because so much of it is unoccupied that anyone could walk a mile off a main road, ill-prepared, and choose to freeze to death if one failed to take the climate seriously.  Chances anyone would blunder across you are low.  If no one knew where you had gone, it would not be needle and haystack but needle and hayfield.  Snow tracks would be a factor–unless it snowed again.  I alluded to Jack London in an earlier post.  Come here, and you can see just what he meant about the darkness of the wild.  In fact I’d recommend a winter pilgrimage for any truly serious London enthusiast.  (You can hire dogsled rides.  That’s one way mushers pay to keep up their dogs.)

The road wasn’t bad, but don’t tell that to Lynda, my hostess.  Riding with one of the most terminally reliable and responsible men I know, her husband Herb, of 35 years, she was as nervous as I am when riding with a tailgater.  I don’t know how she survives six months of this, much less how she has done so since the Carter administration.  A very nice time, though, afternoon with children and a puppy plowing over, around and through presents.  Can you picture me helping a little girl assemble her Barbie Veterinarian Set? Hey, I had a meaningful role.  That stuff takes muscle to fit together.  I had to horse on it.  Perhaps the only more comical picture than me helping put it together is me barely having the physical strength to do so.

A wonderful time, all told, delicious dinner by niece Lisa (by mutual adoption), no one hit a moose and only one person got their vehicle stuck in a snowbank.  By Wasilla December standards, that’s all kinds of win.

To the faithful readership of the ‘Lancer, good holidays to you all in whatever form you may celebrate or enjoy them, whether they are solemn times of faith or just reasons to overeat.  Thank you for every single time you checked in, and as the year winds down I look forward to keeping the blog up in the coming cycle.

Howls in the forest

When my wife thinks what I want to do is stupid, she has a pragmatic approach.  She tells me I’m an idiot, but does it with me anyway.  Thus our trip today to the Alaska Zoo.

Alaska’s zoo is like few others on earth.  Where else could you set up a great rehab center for cold-weather animals? It was 20 F with about 8″ of fresh snowfall, and the idea that the zoo should close for this would be considered comic in Anchorage.  It wasn’t very busy, though, with most locals having more important holiday business than observing a musk ox.  After some wrong turns and slick road adventures, we finally found the place.

Highlights that we did not see, because they were either hibernating or staying inside, included the bears and cats (snow leopards, Siberian tigers).  To our delight, the ravens in their enclosure were beaking their food out through the bars to other (free) ravens, who flew off to eat their freebie lunches with much happy rawking.  Bald eagles; great horned owls; a goshawk; a snowy owl.  You have to get fairly close to all these birds to grasp just how big they are.  In Alaska they tell stories about some lady who stopped to let her sweet little snookums Pierre, a miniature pinscher or some other equally irritating miniature canine, answer nature’s call–only to have a golden eagle strike, grab puppy and cart him away for a delicious dinner.  When you are ten feet from a golden eagle, you can see how one could fly off with Pierre, leash and all.

The elderly wolverine had passed away, more’s the pity, but there were the anticipated musk oxen, caribou, moose (hello, Bullwinkle), Bactrian camel, alpacas, yaks, and some sort of tiny hairy donkey.  I have no idea what it was called, but it looked like a Great Dane-sized rabbit.  On the way back, we passed by the wolves.

The alpha male was a big dark fellow, looking us over with that calm lupine scrutiny.  Deb gave forth the quiet beginnings of a howl, the same one she uses to get our Labrador all stirred up when she hears fire sirens.  The Alaska Zoo is essentially paths through a forest, so other than fences and restraints, it’s a walk through the woods with limited distance visibility.  And then the alpha took up her howl.

It was as if he summoned the rest to sing.  Before long we had six wolves serenading us with the spooky howls you last imagined when you read Call of the Wild.  They put on a wolf concert for us lasting at least five minutes with no further urging, their manner friendly if not cuddly (wolves don’t do cuddly), with the scene all to ourselves.  If you’ve never heard such a thing, once in your life it is well worth finding a way to hear.  It is more interesting when some of the wolves are gazing directly at you. I was well reminded of my abridgment/editing work on White Fang some years back, one of my very first paid writing assignments.

Neither of us was going anywhere for so long as the wolves sang.  When they subsided, I inscribed a rune into the fresh snow before them, my own signature.  Other than that, I couldn’t add to what Deb said:  “That made this whole trip worth it.  That’s special.”

The cream cheese brownie at the snack bar had been heavenly.  I wouldn’t trade those five minutes for a year’s supply of zero-calorie equivalents.

Alaska.