What You Will Have To Teach Your Kids If You Let Them Play Grand Theft Auto

Most people realize that some games are rated ‘mature’ for a reason.  For those who don’t, and figure it’s fine if their kids play Grand Theft Auto series games, you will have to educate them thus:

  1. “You a mock-ass buster fool” is an unacceptable substitute for “I disagree, Dad.”
  2. They should not refer to a water pistol as their ‘strap.’
  3. No matter how hard they try, they will not be able to bunny-hop their bikes over houses.
  4. “Are you dissing my ho’?” is an unsuitable way to ask others to respect one’s girlfriend or sister.
  5. Putting Ammu-Nation gift cards on their Santa Christmas list is futile.
  6. Very, very few stunt jumps can be done on a Big Wheel, and most will not end well.
  7. Why you pull over when a fire truck passes, rather than shoot out its right rear tire and follow it around to watch the crazy maneuvering.
  8. Just because your family sees an Army tank does not mean you now have a Wanted Level of 6 stars.
  9. Sex does not consist of two motionless people in the front seats of a car, facing forward and not touching, magically causing the car to rock.
  10. They cannot escape ‘time out’ or grounding by finding a yellow star police bribe.
  11. It really would not be amusing to park a trash truck across a busy freeway and watch the fun.
  12. Red lights are not just for other people.
  13. Most of the world doesn’t leave its keys in the car at all times.
  14. We didn’t actually go to war with Australia.
  15. Community colleges will not award them an AA in Pay-N-Spray.
  16. They cannot become fireproof by stealing a fire truck and hosing down flaming cars and/or people.
  17. Most of the social comment in the game’s radio stations is a fair depiction of the nation they will inherit.

 

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