You know the people that I feel worst for? They are the Murphy Police.

Murphy’s Law, as we all know, says that whatever can go wrong will go wrong. I obey this law. For example, I don’t get my hopes up too much on most things, and I don’t place a lot of faith in people to change or grow. If they do, wonderful. If not, once the pattern is displayed, I expect it will probably continue. A person who is normally late is not going to wake up one day, have an epiphany, and become timely. That person will always be late. A person who is prone to cancel at the last minute is not going to start caring about others. That person will always cancel, and it’s foolishness to expect or demand otherwise. People will be themselves, for better and for worse depending upon the trait.

Some, however, are in Murphy’s Law Enforcement. Everything goes wrong for them, and often it’s not their fault. I don’t know how they get by. A person who is in Murphy’s Law Enforcement has bad news and disappointment seemingly every goddamn day. Day was going well? Cat began throwing up. Just got cat vomit cleaned up? Kid began throwing up. Just got kid cleaned up? You began throwing up. Money was starting to ease up? Catalytic converter went south. Job situation looked good? The new boss is Osama. Just got over shoulder surgery? Right on time for a dental abscess.

It mystifies me how it all works. Are there people who just attract bad luck, real-life Schleprocks? I don’t really believe in karma, nor do I believe everything happens for a reason. In some cases, it can be traced to a pattern of negligence or procrastination, but not in others. I suppose one metaphysical explanation would be that some people are followed around by chaotic energy fields or somesuch. I have no way of knowing if there’s anything to that.

What I wonder most: has anyone ever successfully resigned from the Murphy Police Department? Is there anyone who has ever found a way off the force? Or is it a case where, once sworn, one’s fate is forever to uphold Murphy’s Law?