A step-by-step guide for unpacking and building a library packed up by Idaho movers

Here is the basic sequence:

  1. Build shelf.
  2. In honor of Ikea, sing Små grodorna. (This is a song Swedes sing in unison at Midsummer. Its basic message is that small frogs are enjoyable to watch. If you can understand why they feel so passionately about singing this song, you qualify for several Swedish government programs.)
  3. Fold up shelf box for recycling.
  4. Horse first book box into suitable position (always atop three other boxes; easier on sore back).
  5. Open box.
  6. Shelve books.
  7. Rip and ball tape.
  8. Flatten paper.
  9. Open box.
  10. Discover that family photos and keepsakes qualify as ‘books,’ to go by the semiliterate labeling scrawl.
  11. Curse moving company with inventive zeal.
  12. Rip and ball tape.
  13. Flatten paper.
  14. Open box.
  15. Shelve books.
  16. Find random items stuffed in between books, now well crushed.
  17. Throw away destroyed items.
  18. Curse movers, focusing on maladies and calamaties richly deserved.
  19. Rip and ball tape.
  20. Flatten paper.
  21. Open box.
  22. Discover that entire downstairs (five distinct rooms) was classified as ‘basement,’ that all non-practical items are lumped as ‘home decor,’ and that a baby blanket is evidently a ‘book.’
  23. Curse moving company.
  24. Criticize self for inadequacy and slight flagging of pure loathing reflected in cursing.
  25. Re-curse moving company correctly, paying special attention to mental and genetic shortcomings, thus bringing cursing up to code.
  26. Rip and ball tape.
  27. Flatten paper.
  28. Open box.
  29. Shelve books.
  30. Notice damaged book that wasn’t damaged before.
  31. Curse moving company, with emphasis on packers’ predilection for incest.
  32. Rip and ball tape.
  33. Flatten paper.
  34. Open box.
  35. Discover that ‘Gar Items’ is as specific as it gets if it was in the garage.
  36. Curse moving company, conforming to acceptable standards for profanity and insult levels.
  37. In back of mind, begin compiling highlights of curses for potential curse anthology.
  38. Marvel at sheer accumulated weight of books one Ikea bookshelf can handle.
  39. Hum Abba music, in recognition of sturdiness.
  40. Open box.
  41. [repeat cycle]
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