Flytember in Flydaho

If you ever read William Golding’s famous novelized Survivor variant, and yearned to be the lord or lady of the common housefly, now is the time and here is your place.

For some reason, every September, all the fly eggs in Boise hatch, and they are on everything. There is almost nothing you can do to keep them out of the house. They harass animals without mercy. Are you going to a fast food restaurant where the door necessarily gets opened hundreds of times a day, and there’s a drive-through window? Just bring your own fly swatter.

We went through this last year. As luck would have it, it began just as I arrived. I wanted anti-aircraft cannon. I kept a fly swatter right by my recliner. I spent hours hunting down the little bastards.

Since I have a fundamental hatred of flies, this is not a fun time for me. This year I bought an electric flyswatter; looks like a mini tennis racket. I soon realized why not everyone owns one of these: it’s hard and heavy, thus you cannot swing it anywhere that you might break something (window, TV, lamp, mirror). If you are good enough to swing it through the air and nail them, you will kill them, which you could have done anyway with a badminton racket covered in screening or cheesecloth, or even a small towel doubled up. I dislike them enough that I am finding excuses to use the electric one on them.

If we were staying, and I would be anticipating another autumn of this fly-ridden situation, I would be gearing up and experimenting with the fine art of fly slaying. As it is, I’m just hoping that September in Portland will be less disgusting.

In the meantime, I wish I had a small army of frogs.


4 thoughts on “Flytember in Flydaho”

  1. I will not lend you any of the frogs from our army.

    We have a group of frogs that hang out on our back deck, presumably feeding on the insects drawn to the light from our back window.

    If I could prove that the frogs actually eat wasps (the main pest we’re concerned about here in Austin), I would probably try to establish a novel form of Hinduism with frogs as the new sacred cattle.


  2. Mosquitoes here (Hawaii). Ug. The geckos can’t eat them ALL. I’m learning to live with them. Socks at night, bug spray (with as little DEET as possible and no citronella smell), long-sleeve featherweight shirts and shawls and pants. Keith plans to buy artillery, though, some zappers and drowning mechanisms. He’d buy an electric mosquito swatter if he could…but he won’t, because I’ll tell him of your sad experience. Currently he just whips them with a wet bandana.


    1. Mosquitoes are even worse than flies, Christi, so I feel for you. The biggest problem with the swatter is that when the bug appears, you must a) happen to have it in hand, b) have a safe and clear arc to swing it, c) hold the power button while you swing it. For mosquitoes, they are slow enough to kill with the hand, but for flies, I’m going back to the kitchen towel.


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