All posts by jkkblog

I'm a freelance editor and writer with a background in history and foreign languages.

Radcon 2013: pre-function

Naturally, having this also be V-Day was not the normal way. I have an amazing wife who is willing to put herself on call for two whole days just to make sure people get to and from Radcon (see previous posts) with an ice cold sober driver at the wheel. As I write this, though a filter of straight tequila, I have to say that it was only just that she got to tie one on tonight. And she did, Alaskan that she is.

It was actually a very musical evening around our place, once we got all our rabbits in the net. Jenn and Marcel made it in from Canada without much border trouble over Marcel’s swashbuckling sword (evidently the US border guards took it inside and played with it). John, whose plane was on time, is a master of the stringed instrument and Mattias is a capable mixer, guitarist and singer. After Deb’s delicious lasagna (later punctuated by Jenn’s amazing huckleberry pie and cheesecake…good lord), we marshaled in the living room for animated discussion, song and instrumentals. I’m not much of a singer at all, nor much of anything musically, but a rendition of a Kingston Trio Spanish-themed tune had folks listening quietly and applauding (not something my voice usually obtains). Through it all I marveled again that the people who had traveled the least to arrive here were Canadian. Much song, no dance, few dogs (Leo found our sound frightening and hid from the obvious apocalypse) and great people. This is why we do this.

Eagerly awaiting Rebekah (late Friday night), and a meetup with Sharon (a room-lighter, like all the women of this group). Mattias is the only Radcon noob, so I’ll handle the orientation part. We expect to check in with Joe and Adrienne’s bash Friday night, and with any luck I won’t have to crawl to Deb’s car on a bad knee.

Maybe this is how you do Radcon right if you’re the home team: start two days early. It will be rather miraculous if I’m able to post coherently tomorrow night.

R.I.P. Widmer Brothers Brewery, Portland, OR, 1984-2013

I don’t say this lightly, but Widmer has gone T.U. Pull out the tubes, no more with the paddles, disconnect the machine.

Ever since my post-college days, the best wheat beer in the Pacific Northwest has been Widmer Hefeweisen. A rich yeasty dust-cutter with some sediment to roll around in the bottle first, there was nothing nicer on a hot day than a frosty mug with Widmer Hefe and a squirt of lemon.

The time before last that I bought some, I was surprised at the somewhat watery but at least vaguely Hefeweizeny taste. Hoping I’d just gotten a bad batch, I didn’t try it again for a while. Last night, the chickens came home to roost, as I bought some and served it to a guest (which was putting myself on the line). I poured mine, took a drink and waited for the Widmer Hefe flavor.

I had a mouth full of Michelob.

Stunned, I examined my senses, took another drink. This swig also had that sour, mass-markety crappiness associated with Michelob. I exclaimed in disgust (and in apology to my guest). Deb: “I used to be a big Michelob drinker. I love that stuff. Let me try it.” I did. “Yep. Tastes exactly like Michelob. Pretty good!”

This is like finding out that your favorite local cafe has been feeding you horse and dog meat lately to save money. I no longer want to drink anything from this company, or whatever parent company bought it out and told it to start pouring goddamn Michelob in bottles that used to stand for quality and value.

Farewell, Widmer Brothers. I don’t know why you ruined it, but we’re done now.

Radcon 2013: pre-prefunction

It’s going to be an interesting time this year. For whatever reason, people like staying with us, and we will have many, nearly all from abroad: Mattias from Sweden, Jenn and Marcel from Canada, and my bro John from Andros Island, Bahamas. The token U.S. resident is Rebekah, from Idaho.

For those of you who do not have the faintest idea what I mean by Radcon, it is the annual science fiction convention in Pasco, WA. It is small compared to some bigger-city cons, but very large for the size of our area. SF cons consist mainly of vendors (selling you stuff related to SF), entertainment (the fire dancers are always a big hit, but there are other dancers, live music, and suchlike), gaming (which I never do but a lot of people do all weekend), and panels. I’ve been a panelist at SpoCon (Spokane), but Radcon made plenty clear to me some years back that I was too small potatoes as an author for them to want any panel help from me, so I stopped asking or offering. (SpoCon keeps asking me back, and I’m considering it, because they’re so pleasant and persistent about it.) However, there are various industry guests in attendance, including guests of honor in various categories, and it is good to see familiar faces and sometimes meet famous ones. Anyway, Radcon starts at noon on Friday and closes up at 4 PM on Sunday, and in between, is host to some of the most creative and amusing costuming one can imagone.

This multi-guest situation means a lot of pre-planning and arranging, more than usual because this will probably be our last Radcon; we anticipate living in another state by the time next February rolls around, and Deb starts over there in a week and a half, so we are shuffling around all that needs to occur there while also planning for a houseload of folks. Matti is the only Radrookie in the gang. We are very excited about it all.

Matters are complicated a bit by a serious knee issue I’m experiencing, which will be made better thanks to the wondrous Sharon, who arranged for a disabled permit. I qualify on several fronts but, as with my achilles surgery, don’t plan to use it except when I definitely need it as much as the next person. Frankly, this Radcon is going to involve a whole lot of physical discomfort, but I will just bear up as best I can. No costuming for me this year; navigating around will be challenging enough as it is.

Matti should be here any time now, Jenn and Marcel sometime tomorrow (lock up your milk, Tri-Cities grocers; they come for you), John at airport in afternoon tomorrow, and Rebekah on the night shift Friday. It will be remarkable if anyone’s sober enough to answer the door Friday night when she arrives,  but someone will at least crawl to it and aim her at the refreshments.

One thing is sure: this is quite a crew. John is the homesteading type at heart, a former submariner who has no comment, and a natural genius on any stringed instrument.  Jenn is the plant whisperer, knowledgeable about all fauna. Point to a plant, she can tell you everything about it. Marcel is a Yukoner, as nice as he is big, a good soul and strong like a bull. Matti is tall and funny (sometimes in a facepalming way), speaks excellent British English and loves to play with accents. Rebekah, well, in the first place she’s strong as hell, and in the second, she’s ultimately self-reliant. I usually describe it that when most people want a bow, they go to Sportsman’s Warehouse. When Rebekah wants a bow, she starts looking for a yew tree.

Should be a fun weekend, and hopefully I will sober up enough to blog some of it.

History lessons with my wife

So, I was mostly minding my business tonight while Deb watched Grey’s Anatomy. During a commercial, I looked up from my read of a book on the decline of the Ottoman Empire to read her a passage which I thought said a lot about Napoleon’s ability to influence peoples (though I was in fact a bit wrong about that). She said, in her outside voice as is traditional, “You don’t know history at all!”

“I don’t?”

“No. If you did, you would know that his last name was not really Bonaparte…”–I grew kind of excited–“…but Bone Together. ‘Bonaparte’ was an attempt by him to draw people away from him so he could have sex with the enemy’s women. That’s why he won the war!”

“Seriously?”

“Come at me, big daddy. Ask me anything. Bring it.”

“Okay, very well. What is the significance of Çatalhöyük?”

She fixed me with a gaze of shock and dismay. “You don’t know what Saddle Who You was? Listen and learn. When they wanted to build the Trojan Horse, they needed a saddle that could hold a lot of people. So they made one, and named it Saddle Who You, which is derived from Saddle Hookah. This enabled them to deliver rubbers.”

I looked at her and just laughed. “Rubbers?”

“Duh. Why do you think it was called the Trojan Horse?” I sat silent, like any good husband slow in the uptake. “See? You don’t know your history. Ask me anything else.”

“Fine. Who did Charles “The Hammer” Martel defeat at Poitiers?”

She looked aghast that I could be so clueless. “Charles Martel defeated Le Peu Nailé, which of course means ‘the nail.'” I cracked up again, couldn’t help it. “Keep it coming. Ask me anything.”

“Okay, dear. What was the significance of Charlotte Corday?”

A sigh. “Charlotte Corduroy, you mean. She invented pants, but they were corduroy pants. They were also called ‘whisper pants,’ and the idea was to give them to the enemy so they would whisper when they walked.”

“Really.”

“Absolutely. I’m really sad for anyone like you, with a degree in history, to be so un-knowledgeable.”

“I think you meant ‘ignorant,’ dear.”

“NO! I said ‘un-knowledgeable’ and I meant ‘un-knowledgeable!’ Now come on. Ask me another. I can see I have a lot to teach you.”

“Fine. Please name one of the Spanish explorers of North America.”

She thought for a minute, consulting her stores of learning. “Well, his name was Julio El De Massmainebostainia. There are some states named after him. He came with his wife Maria, their daughter Nina, and some pinto beans.”

At that point, there was nothing for it but to come put it on the blog.

Old posts…and self-honesty about motives

There’s an interesting phenomenon that happens to the blog, and it may be useful to bloggers who want to grow their readership. It is ‘body of work.’

If you write about a variety of topics, and do it long enough, your old posts become part of the Accumulated Mass of ‘Knowledge.’ Sure hope you knew what you were talking about, because it has become information people will now use. If they like it and your style, they might subscribe/follow; if they have some strong reaction, they may drop a comment.

For example, some time back I wrote about Gary Thomas Rowe, who infiltrated the Ku Klux Klan in the 1960s at the behest of the FBI. Turns out it’s not so easy to learn much about Tommy Rowe without buying one of the two books that discuss him in depth, so I turn up on searches. I wrote about a really clumsy union protest here in town, and now and then someone will still find it on a search. (WordPress provides me data about page views and the search strings that got people here.) The more offbeat the topic, the less is out there about it, and the likelier your take is to appear. If you’re going to game the system, might as well play to win.

Anyway, if you think long term, you can see the strategy easily enough. I’ve got a couple hundred-odd posts now, some of them of interest to almost no one, sprayed across the topical spectrum, and the result is a passive generator of public interest that requires zero activity on my part. (Except for dumping the spam bin, which WP makes pretty easy.) Information may not be the reason one blogs, and this is fine, but I’m learning that information will get you attention. That, I think, most bloggers would like, even the ones on the “I don’t give a damn if people read it, I don’t care what anyone thinks, bray bray bray” trip. Oh, yes, you do. If you didn’t, it’d be a personal diary on your machine. Instead you post it where you can never quite call it back. On some level, you want to be read.

It also helps if you can write, I think, but I know some fairly popular blogs put out by crappy writers, so it isn’t just your literary chops. It also has to do with knowing something–and sharing what you know. I think it’s fun.

Newly published: Lucky Man, by Shawn Inmon

My most recent editing project was Shawn Inmon’s spanking new short story, Lucky Man. The Kindle version is available as we speak. While I categorized this with book reviews, that’s just for organizational purposes, since obviously no one can purport to present a review of a book on which he worked.

Upon my initial read, I liked Shawn’s story concept. One thing that really gripes me in fiction is predictability, and the story remained unpredictable all along. Shawn is growing rapidly in the craft of writing, because this is my second go-round with him on a project, and I didn’t have to deal with any of the stuff I caught last time. We were on to new, subtler changes and storyline considerations. Most writers just don’t absorb things as fast. It’s like a baseball coach teaching someone the virtues of opposite-field hitting, and the hitter starts knocking doubles off the opposite field wall. Well, yes, in fact, yes, that will do nicely.

If you don’t have a Kindle, Amazon will happily let you download emulation software for your machine. Thus, if you can read this post, you can read Lucky Man. I think you will find it of value well out of proportion to the $0.99 Shawn wants for it.

Current read: Sisterhood of Dune…and a bit on how *not* to write

Being one of the only people who liked all of Herbert’s Dune books, it was natural to try his kid’s prequel series with Kevin J. Anderson.

Of course, we didn’t expect it to be Frank Herbert. To his credit, the son did not try to pretend to be the father. There’s only one problem: the writing now is…very flawed. The story is okay, and I’ll read it to finish the story just because I’m nine books in, but seriously, these guys need help. A couple of examples, quoted for fair use review purposes:

—From p. 10, paperback version—

Looking down, breathing heavily, she said, “Back at the Swordmaster School of Ginaz, I slew hundreds of these things. The school still has a standing order for functional combat meks, so trainees can practice destroying them.”

The very thought soured Manford’s mood. “Ginaz has too many functional meks, in my opinion–it makes me uneasy. Thinking machines should not be kept as pets. There is no useful purpose for any sophisticated machine.”

Anari was hurt that he had criticized her fond recollection. Her voice was small. “It’s how we learned to fight them, sir.”

So what’s wrong with this picture? The red part (color added). Do not ever, please, tell me the feelings. Show them through action. This is lazy writing. It was too much work to make her sound wistful when she said the first part. It was too much work to put her second part in a hurt tone. Instead, we were simply told. This is what mediocre writing looks like. This should be shorter, more fluid and subtler. It should not insult the reader’s intelligence. It should let the reader infer and gather emotions through skillful word use in dialogue and narrative.

Here’s another ‘how to do it wrong’:

—From pp. 29-30, paperback version—

“You are going to tell me where those captives are being taken,” Vor said.

The man groaned again and gurgled something that sounded like a curse. Vor didn’t consider it an acceptable answer. He glanced up, saw the fire spreading along the roofs of the houses. “You don’t have much time to answer.”

Receiving no cooperation from the man, Vor knew what he would have to do next, and he wasn’t proud of it, but this slaver was far down on the last of people for whom he felt sympathy. He drew his long skinning knife. “You are going to tell me.”

Like it wasn’t already obvious that a gurgled curse wasn’t the answer Vor wanted. Why tell us that, as if we are stupid? And obviously, anything but an answer was continued non-cooperation. No one is so slow in the uptake that this needs to be spelled out so. Wasted words, the kind that push the covers of a book too far apart. I guess it’s easier than writing…

Okay, that was waspish, but I dislike this immensely. It is lazy, it radiates ‘phoning it in.’ If you are trying to improve your writing, this is one of the best and most important lessons you can absorb. Where humanly possible, show rather than tell. It will read smoother, cleaner and your reader will not be jarred, nor have her intelligence insulted. ‘Like your reader’ includes ‘respect your reader.’ This means that you write clean stuff that doesn’t waste her time or treat her like she isn’t smart enough to figure out a cue.

Anyone who considers him or herself in the intermediate phases of developing writing skill is welcome to rewrite either passage in comments, and I’ll be glad to make some observations. Show me how it should have been done.

Making the dog sick

This morning, Deb and I were having a discussion about dogs and logistics. It wandered, much like Fabius’s mind. Fabius is the elder of her two dogs (black Lab). Leonidas, the junior, is a miniature Schnauzer. I’m not a dog person, though I accept my obligation to assure that they have humane conditions and care as needed.

Anyway, the original understanding was that she would take care of all dog needs wherever humanly possible, and with her being laid off from work for some months, clearly this has been humanly possible. Unfortunately, Fabius has settled upon some very inconvenient latrine areas of late. One definition of an inconvenient latrine area is ‘anyplace I [J.K.] like to be in the yard.’

I decided that it was time to bring this issue up, especially after some unfortunate footwear events last week when I happened to be walking around in the yard. In fact, I was drawing something of a line in the grass, complaining about the issue and asking her to stop promising and start picking up. Fabius was farrowing on the floor (his favorite posture looks very much like that of a sow with new piglets, on his side, legs out), while Leonidas sat on a folded blanket, on the ottoman in front of Deb, following this dog-related discussion with interest.

Just as I articulated to her that I would determinedly resist any notion of getting any more dogs if the situation did not improve, Leonidas assumed the vomiting posture. Before I could complete my little rant, he indicated his dissent by throwing up on the blanket. The look on Deb’s face was priceless.

While the issue will not simply vanish in a small pile of slightly used dog food, that at least tabled it for the time being. For one thing, I couldn’t stop laughing.

Bloggings will continue until morale improves

When you are a ‘lancer, you write for anyone who will fork over, presuming it doesn’t violate your basic life principles (hope you have some). When it’s slow, you have to get creative.

With that in mind, this winter I turned my pen to technical writing on contract. No, it is not la vie litteraire. I honestly don’t think much of said vie, with all its pretense, pomposity and poseurs (and frequently poseuses). It is my belief that there is no such thing as writer’s block; there are people who want to write, and they do that. There are people who don’t want to write, and they do not do that. Right now I want to write, and I am obviously doing it. Well, to be a ‘lancer, you have to ‘want to write’ because you’ll get paid, if for no other reason.

Which explains why I spent the morning assembling a document concerning specifications for cable plants. (No, you goof, you cannot grow them in your garden. Silly gardeners.) Would I prefer to be approached by a major publisher to write a balanced history of the United States, one that would thus piss off everyone with a political filter and earn me hate mail calling me a Commie pinko and a Fascist pig in the same day? Moot point, for I will not be so approached. In the meantime, should I be expanding the ways I can present my ‘lancing résumé? If I don’t, I evidently don’t want to write that badly.

So, I’m writing about cabling. There are some benefits to this besides the money. While my engineer boss is a very good writer as engineers go, it’s fun to be engaged because of the perception that I know more than him about my trade. I realized that when I had to explain to him some of the proofreading marks and issues with punctuation. Mine to present the knowledge, his (as owner of the firm) to say how he likes it and wants it done, and mine in turn to do as all good ‘lancers do: produce quality content to spec on time with a diligent work ethic and a positive attitude.

Here’s the interesting revelation from the process of application. He had quite a few applicants, most of them fresh out of college with liberal arts degrees. I did not expect my nearing-fifty age to be an advantage, but it was. He found his applicants not mature enough for what he wanted in his workplace, which was someone who would show up on time, work without texting every few minutes, observe the recognized protocols of workplace dress, demeanor and focus, and in the end, do as asked without making some excuse. As I was working on my first assignment on my first day, he took a call from one applicant that pretty much said it all. The guy was checking on the status of his application, which had not received a response because he had misspelled his own e-mail address on his résumé. Let’s see. I’m applying to work for an engineer. Should I assure that my presentation demonstrates some attention to detail? Why, yes. Yes, I should. If I cannot manage that, should I pretty much fold the tent and find a new line of work? One thinks so. In any case, my new boss was urbane and courteous to the caller, but within my hearing, advised him that the position was filled. I smiled to myself and kept picking apart the proofreading I had been assigned. I perforated that sucker.

It’s not full time, and it’s not as many hours as I’d like to get, but that’s ‘lancing. You saddle up, you find out what is asked of you, and you do.

It is better training for your own writing work than you might think. It’ll expand your knowledge (I’ve learned a lot about how telecomm cables are organized, and why). It’ll give you the happy glow of cashing checks.

Most of all, it will teach you to write whether you are in the mood or not, whether you have a headache or not, because it’s time you did some writing. That’s how this blog post came about. It was time to do a blog post. I did not grant myself the option to just go upstairs and read my S.M. Stirling book, which was my personal whim–at least, not until I finished this post. Enough people have shown that they will visit here regularly that it is incumbent on me to continue supplying content I think will please at least some of the readership. Do that, and unless you have no idea what people like, that readership expands. Decide that you are in a blah mood and don’t want to write, a little too often, they forget about you soon–as good ol’ Stroker Ace taught us. “Blow their doors off, Stroker.” Just listen to that banjo work.

When in doubt, remember that bloggings will continue until morale improves. This one improved mine, at any rate.

Burying a thrush

Just a small story about a thing I do now and then.

For whatever reason–and it isn’t poisons, as I use those sparingly on the property–birds come to our place to die. Some, sadly, hit glass despite my efforts to reduce that incidence. Others, it seems, simply come here to pass on.

The varied thrush, a slate-and-old gold-colored bird, winters in our area. Most winters, at some point, I find that one has not survived the winter. Today was such a day. I came home from work (I do some technical writing) and spotted the little body, claws up, clearly deceased.

I have always liked birds. My wife refers to me as her Raven Man, based on Alaskan legends of Raven as a trickster and protector. And interestingly, wherever she travels in Washington or nearby, she finds ravens watching her. Sometimes they are flying along with her, like a combat air patrol. But I was an avid bird enthusiast as far back as my single-digit years. I want this place to be popular with birds, and to be visited by many. So when a bird dies, it is a bit hard for me. There is only one thing I can do: a dignified little funeral.

For reasons of health precaution, I get a shovel and a big maple leaf, which I use to push the fallen avian onto the shovel as gently as possible. Then I take him or her around to where the hollyhocks sprout in the late summer, lay the body on something, and dig a small hole. When it’s over a foot deep, I nudge the deceased onto the shovel and lay him or her in the grave as gently as I can arrange. I then say a few words, making a holy gesture and bidding the bird farewell. I tell him or her that I hope that the passing was of old age, and that he or she had a good mate, many chicks, plenty to eat and lots of happy days flying and singing. I hope that the bird is now in a place where migrations are short and not painful, where predators do not exist and where there are sunny days to flock, make music and hunt for delicious fruit. I usually tear up.

And then, for there is nothing else to do, as gently as possible, I fill in the little grave, pat it down firmly, make a holy gesture once again, and walk away.

Farewell, little thrush.